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:: Sunday, April 13, 2003 ::

How to Ride a UAlbany Elevator Like a Pro

It's scary how some things have their own culture. You don't even notice it until someone breaks one of the cultural "rules". So, to help you avoid such a snafu I have personally ridden the elevator upwards of six times a day and taken diligent notes, all to enlighten you to Residence Hall Elevator Culture.

Note: many of these things are true and are actually good advice, but it is up to you to decide what. ^_^



Before you ride in the elevator you'll have to wait for it. There are definate dos and don'ts here.

If no one is there push the button. If people are already there don't even bother looking. You'll have to lean down and squint to see if the orange light is on, and it will be on, so don't bother.

Make a neat line along the wall in front of the elevators. If someone is trying to get in the tower (and you happen to feel generous) open the door for them. However, if you are near the front of the line let them rot. Hey, your elevator ride is more important, anyway.

Usual procedure calls for you to watch the displays to see what floor the elevators are on. If they take a long time you have the option of looking around disgusted and maybe even making a comment to your linemate before shaking your head. Don't forget the head shake.

When the Elevator Arrives

Go up to it. Maybe stay a step back in case someone comes out, but don't take lots of care to give them room. The person behind you will budge otherwise. And heaven knows being first in the elevator is oh-so-important.

Upon entering the elevator press the button for your floor. Know exactly where it is. Otherwise everyone will know you don't live here and shoot you strange looks. Some people shoot looks with thorns... watch out for those.

And don't think anyone will push the button for you, or ask what floor you need. Even if your hands are full you are expected to push for your own floor.

Take a good look at the floor as you walk in. Chances are the elevator is not clean. Watch out for spilled soda, loose laundry soap, beer bottles, empty Chinese takeout containers, fliers with nearly nude girls, and smashed apples. For some reason people smash apples in elevators. It's our elevator pastime.

While Riding

While in the elevator make an effort to stand as far away from everyone else in the elevator. If there are four people or less this is easy, as everyone takes a corner. If there are more people than that simply do the best you can. As each person gets off readjust to get away from people. You don't know them. And you don't particularly want to.

If someone rides the elevators for five floors or less and doesn't have a crutch or an excessive limp make fun of them as soon as they get off. Really, why are they slowing up the already slow elevator process with an unnecessary trip? Perhaps site instances where you have walked upwards of ten floors instead of taking the elevator out of your infinite kindness. Then shake your head.

Getting Off

The most simple part. Simply step off, minding any spilled goods and the gap. Know which way you're turning straight off, otherwise you are an outsider yet again. If you don't know which way to turn, guess. By the time you realize your mistake the elevator will be gone, thus saving face.

Now you are prepared to take everything the elevators can throw at you. Wait... I forgot about the drunk people. I'll include them in v2 ^_^

:: Kazen @ Always Doing 1:52 PM [+] ::
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